ASK THE AUTHOR - Dialogue

A writer recently mentioned that when she’d entered the Mills and Boon New Voices competition she was advised to “break up” the dialogue and wasn’t entirely sure what that meant so I thought it was the perfect moment for one of my occasional Ask the Author posts.

In the chapter on writing realistic dialogue in my Little Book of Writing Romance I explain that conversation in the real world is very different to that in a novel, or a film, or your favourite soap, for that matter. In the real world conversation often has little point to it. In a novel, however, it should have a purpose. It should advance the plot, move the story forward, tell us something about the characters who are speaking.

For the purpose of storytelling, you will need to cut out most of the small stuff. Obviously you want your conversations to sound natural, but your characters have to get to the point rather more quickly than we generally do in real life and, cut into the dialogue are the thoughts, feelings, the unspoken yearnings of the character.

In the following excerpt we have the perfect secretary, smoothing life at the office and, after yet another “nanny” crisis, in the home. This time, however, she comes prepared with a “lonely hearts” ad for him, informing him that his daughter is telling him that she wants is not a nanny, but a mother. She’s hoping that he’ll take the easy option. The one in front of him. When he bites, the dialogue to broken up by glimpses of her inner turmoil, reflected in her struggle with her hair. She’s been in love with him for two years and she’s putting herself on the line.

I could have written it like this —

‘Tell me, Jane, would you settle for a platonic marriage?’

‘Are you asking me?’

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘I want to know if you’d marry a man who wasn’t in love with you.’

‘No, Mark,’ she said. ‘Are you asking me if I’d marry you?’

In the context of the book, it’s still a strong, slightly shocking scene. But what are the characters doing while they are speaking? What are they feeling? This is a romance and I broke up the dialogue with emotion, feelings, the heroine challenging not just the hero, but herself. Does she have the courage to go through with her plan?

‘Tell me, Jane, would you settle for a platonic marriage?’

This was it. The opening she’d been waiting for. She swallowed. ‘Are you asking me?’ she replied, her voice perfectly calm even while her heart was pounding loud enough to be heard in the next county.

‘Yes,’ he said. ‘I want to know if you’d marry a man who wasn’t in love with you.’

She shook her head. More hair slithered from the grip of pins unequal to the task. ‘No, Mark. That wasn’t my question.’ He frowned, and she very nearly lost her nerve. It wasn’t too late to bottle out…‘My question was…are you asking me if I’d marry you?’

Here, an exasperated lawyer, being led a merry dance by a runaway heiress and struggling with an very unwelcome attraction, attempts to understand her. The dialogue begins quickly, but slows down, punctuated by his, character revealing, thoughts. By her slightly evasive answers. We know more about both of them at the end of this conversation.

‘Tell me about Fairfax,’ he invited.

       Emmy regarded him suspiciously. ‘What do you want to know?’

       ‘How did you meet him?’

       ‘He came into Astons for a valuation.’

       ‘The auction house?’

       ‘Mmmm. I work there.’

       It hadn’t occurred to Brodie that Emerald Carlisle might actually have a job. ‘Was he buying, or selling?’ he asked.

       ‘The lease on his studio runs out soon and he needed…’ Too late she saw the trap he’d laid. ‘It’s not easy getting a loan when you’re an artist,’ she said, defensively.

       ‘That depends on how successful you are.’

       ‘He’s very talented. He will be successful. But for the moment ...’ She shrugged.

       ‘I can see that it might be difficult.’ He could also see why he might be keen to latch onto a gullible heiress. ‘And was it love at first sight?’

       There was the merest hesitation before she said, ‘What else?’

       Brodie glanced at the modest engagement ring she was wearing. It was oddly touching. ‘And now he’s in France waiting for you to join him. Are you going to tell me where?’

       She gave a little sigh. ‘I’ve already told you far too much.’

Use what you have to break up dialogue. Where are your characters? What is happening around them? What are they feeling? What are they afraid of? What are they hiding?

Quotations are from — The Perfect Proposal (The Engagement Effect); Eloping With Emmy

For more on writing romance, Liz Fielding's Little Book of Writing Romance is available wherever eBooks are sold.

NEW VOICES FINALIST GETS A HARLEQUIN CONTRACT!

Last year I was asked to mentor one of the finalists in the Mills and Boon New Voices competition. A huge honour, an enormous responsibility, a lot of fun.

When Charlotte Phillips made it through the first round, I was the very lucky author who was tasked with the job of guiding her through her second chapter. It wasn’t my job to write it for her, but to show her where her own writing could be strengthened, offer a little advice on what could usefully be left out, give her pointers on what weakened a scene, made it work.

Charlotte, let me tell you, was a joy to work with. Full of enthusiasm, excitement, passion, eager to learn, ready to listen, but with a deep down faith in her characters, their story. We discussed technique. The moment to leave one scene with the reader wanting more. How to add drama. How to bring dialogue to life.

When she made it through to the final four I was as excited as if I’d personally made that huge leap, a seriously champagne popping moment. She didn’t win the competition, the standard was phenomenal, but I never doubted that she would make it through to publication.

Since reaching the final four of the competition, she has been working on a new story with the same editor who does for me, what I did for Charlotte. Flo is a red hot editor who — standing back from the intense involvement that writing entails — brings a fresh eye to the work, picking up on any weakness in conflict, or characterisation.

The ability to accept that your book isn’t perfect, is capable of stepping up another gear, is one of requirements of every published author. We all dread “revisions”, but I’ve never had editorial notes that haven’t made my story stronger.

Meanwhile, if you want to share the advice that I gave to Charlotte, you can download Liz Fielding’s Little Book of Writing Romance from Amazon, Barnes and Noble, Kobo or Sony - links on the sidebar.

Follow Charlotte’s journey to publication on Twitter @charlieflips and on her blog Her book, as yet untitled (watch this space!)will be available in Riva in the UK in December (coincidentally, alongside the UK Riva release of The Last Woman He’d Ever Date).

PIVOTAL MOMENT!

TIME TO VOTE!

Voting for the final four "pivotal moments" of the New Voices 2011 competition begins on 1st November at 9 am. You have three days to make your choice; here's the lovely Charlotte Phillip's moment of change for Anna and Jack in her entry, Honeymoon With a Stranger.

Do go and support her and the other three writers who have worked so hard over the past week.

And if you entered a chapter - or two - I hope you're already polishing up your first three chapters to submit in the usual way. There were lots of really great entries and Mills and Boon are still looking for writers with that little extra sparkle. Go for it!

NEW VOICES FINALIST

It's been an amazing week for my finalist, Charlotte Phillips, who made the Top 21 in Mills & Boon's NEW VOICES competition

It's been an amazing week for me, too, as we've worked together on Chapter Two of HONEYMOON WITH A STRANGER (love that title!)  Her heroine is hurting, but she's not lying down and taking it. And her hero doesn't know what hit him!

By tomorrow, the second chapters will all be on line and I hope you'll take the time to stop by the website and read her entry here and cheer her on.

I have been cheering on all these brave souls who've put their work on show for anyone to comment on since New Voices launched. It's a huge step, they will have learned a lot in the process, and that makes them all winners in my eyes.

Pivotal moment? Bring it on!

Ooops...

I can't believe it's been a whole week since my last post.  That's mainly because my book is gathering pace and I'm also spending a lot of my spare time on the Mills and Boon New Voices Facebook page.  If you haven't checked this out, it's a terrific place to ask any questions you might have about the competition. (I hope you're all working on that first chapter!)

Not only are there posts from editors, lots of help from authors, but also writers who took part last year.

I'm getting really excited about my workshop at Pontardawe Library on the 31st August, but added to that I'll be talking to Jamie and Louise on Radio Wales on Monday, 29th August at 11 am.  If you can't tune in (because of time or you're not in Wales!) you can catch up on iPlayer later.  I'll try and post a link.

But it's not all been writing this week.

My vacuum, a much loved original Dyson had reached a point where I was having to clean up after it and so I retired it this week and bought a fabulous new one with ball and a whizzy bit at the front and heavens, it is brilliant!

The carpets are all sitting up and looking really chirpy.  I don't often enthuse about housework but just occasionally I "get" it. :)

Reading?

I read the wonderful Eva Ibbotson's Magic Flutes this week.  A perfect fairy tale. Loved it. 5 stars. Ten out of ten. I got to the end and instantly downloaded another for my Kindle (in bed - isn't that fabulous!) and have it waiting as one of those special treat reads, to be saved up for when you need one.

If you haven't read Eva, do try one of her books - Madensky Square, set in Vienna before the first world war, or The Morning Gift just before the second war.

And if you need a free read and haven't yet downloaded WILD JUSTICE, it's still free on Kindle UK (US are really annoying me!) and at Smashwords, Nook, iTunes.

Wild Lady and Wild Fire haven't made it from Smashwords onto other platforms yet, but they are available at Smashwords and Kindle everywhere for $2.99 which is jolly cheap for a 400 page book.

NEW VOICES UPDATE

My talk will be at Pontardawe Library on the 31 August between 2 and 3.30.  Call the library to book places on 01792 862261.  I can't wait!

Meanwhile, Mills and Boon have set up a New Voices page on

Facebook where established authors are ready and willing to answer all your questions. Does the hero have to be a billionaire? Is a best friend essential or a no-no. What happens when your middle sags - and no, the answer isn't a diet suggestion!

This is gold for a new writer, so don't miss this great opportunity.

Meanwhile, here's my thought for the day --


What does your heroine want? 
What is her driving passion? 
And what will she do to get it?

NEW VOICES

On September 13th 2011 Mills and Boon launch their second global search for fresh writing talent to join Mills & Boon’s galaxy of romantic fiction stars.

A celebration of romantic fiction and romance, New Voices will put entrants through their romantic fiction paces – and the Mills & Boon readership will have their say every step of the way!

The winner of the competition will win some fantastic prizes, including publication by Mills & Boon and a Mills & Boon editor for a year!

For more information go to the dedicated Mills and Boon website here

You'll also find a lively debate and lots of advice on the New Voices Facebook page here

As part of the New Voices programme, I will be giving a workshop at Pontardawe Library at the end of August, so if you're in the south/south-west Wales area, do look out for more information on that.

Since the competition starts with the first chapter, I'm directing you to an article on my website, which I hope will help you make the leap from the idea in your head to the important first lines on the page.

Meanwhile, here are a few points to consider before you put pen to paper –

• start at the moment of change - what has just happened that will change your heroine's life?
• with action, not introspection - you want your reader to follow your characters.
• with character, not scenery, or weather - unless the heroine is about to be swept away by a flash flood in which case you have both the above!

And here are some important points from one of my characters who just happened to be an author: -

1.    Begin your story at a moment of crisis, a point in time when your character's life is about to change for ever.

2.    Keep the conflict simple.  Make sure the reader knows what’s going on.  Ask yourself…  Is the conflict strong enough to sustain the length of the story?

3.    Use dialogue to move the story along.  Use it to create tension, misunderstanding, to reveal character to the reader.

4.    A hero has to be strong, tender, a man who would never let down the woman he loves.  But he has to be flawed, too.  If he were perfect there would be no story.  (And he’d be impossible live with.  LF)

5.    Sexual tension is not just about getting naked.  It’s about wanting something and knowing it’s out of reach.  It can be a look instead of a touch.

6.    Every story will have a moment when explanations, an air-clearing talk, will offer the way to a happy ending.  Never let this happen.

7.    The romance reader is looking for warmly observed characters and deeply felt emotion.

8.    A satisfying ending provides a final moment of discord before all the loose ends are gathered in, with reassurance that the hero and heroine will live happily ever after.

I'd also recommend Kate Walker's WRITING ROMANTIC FICTION to any new writer.

Two of last year's New Voices authors have already been bought by Mills and Boon; several more are working with editors and hope to make the leap to published author soon. This is an amazing opportunity to get your writing noticed so get started!

WE NEED TO TALK ABOUT GRAMMAR

Everybody hates this stuff, don't they?

We all buy great books about "how to" write - I have a huge collection - but we're not interested in the nuts and bolts of the craft, the stuff that makes what we do intelligible to the reader. We all rush to the chapters that show us how to create a plot, a to-die-for hero, a heroine with the strengths, empathy, spirit that we all yearn to possess.

It's inevitable. It's the exciting stuff. Who wants to read the boring stuff about apostrophes, or where to use a comma, and when to use a full stop? Dull, dull, dull.

But grammar is the basic tool in the writer's craft box and I'm bringing this up now because I've been reading entries to Mills & Boon's New Voices competition. I can't comment because it won't let me for some reason - but I'm not here to talk about computer glitches.

I read a lot of really great stuff, but all the time I was being thrown out of the story by bad grammar. Apostrophes in the wrong place. Sentences that were miles too long. Writers who seemed unfamiliar with the purpose of the comma or the full stop.

I'll tell you right now that I'm not a great grammarian. I use language in ways that serve my story. If I want single word sentences, I'll use them. If I want a sentence without a verb, I'll do that, too - but not too often.

I don't know about your computer, but mine is always throwing up wiggly lines and sometimes I'm not sure why, so I click on the mouse and find out. Mostly it's "fragments"; the sentence without the verb. I think about it, and decide if maybe I'm overdoing it and occasionally I'll combine two sentences. Sometimes I'm surprised to discover that I can't spell a word when I thought I could and I'm grateful for the help. Sometimes it's just querying my use of an apostrophe. (It's asking me to think about it, not telling me I've got it wrong - it just sees an apostrophe and thinks uh-oh...)

Do you know the difference between "its" and "it's"?

The thing is it matters. And in a world where editors and agents struggle for every minute in their day, they no longer have the time to cope with someone who hasn't taken the trouble to master the basic skills of writing a sentence. Read your work out loud and you'll soon realise how important this is.

The good news is that anyone can learn this stuff. I did. Point proved. Not the strange words - gerunds and past participles - but the reason for using an apostrophe and how commas help make sense of a sentence.

For those of you who are a little hazy on the basics, I can heartly recommend GETTING THE POINT by Elizabeth Hawksley and Jenny Haddon (former chairwoman of the Romantic Novelists' Association). It's a light-hearted and simple guide to grammar.

I'd also recommend noticing this stuff while reading. I know, we all race through a rattling good yarn without noticing the punctuation - that's the point. It enables the reader to instantly make sense of the words on the paper. But once you've enjoyed the book, you might usefully go back and read it again to look at sentence structure. The simple grammar. The skeleton that supported the story while you were concentrating on what was happening to the hero and heroine.

And good luck if you've entered NEW VOICES.

MILLS & BOON STUFF

I love Mills & Boon stuff.

I have a sweet little wallet made from the cover of The Temp & the Tycoon by Bookity which I carry everywhere. This is one for sale on her website.

I even have a jigsaw (awaiting a dull winter day to complete) and really wish Mills & Boon would produce a good quality mug for the inspiring cups of tea. Fine white china with the new logo - one of each series, maybe.

Maybe they should take a leaf out of the music business book and sell merchandise!

Clearly there is a taste for it.

Checking my Google Alerts this morning I found this sewing table that someone has made using old Mills & Boon covers.

If I had some room I would so love this!

The centre lifts off to store sewing materials - or in my case it would be writing stuff.

A secret place to tuck away drafts, research books, notebooks and all those pictures of gorgeous hunks. :)

For more pictures click here

And don't forget to check out the New Voices competition that Mills & Boon are running this autumn.

I'll be doing my bit with a chat and mini workshop at Carmarthen Library tomorrow (Monday 9th August 11 - 12.30). You'll find other workshop dates all over the country with M&B authors on the Romance Is Not Dead website

OH BOY!

As if I didn't have enough to do, I've got hooked on knitting again. I haven't done this in years. Not the kind of knitting with complicated instructions. In fact the last thing I knitted was a yards long Dr Who scarf for the first born. But then, this week, I passed a little shop that had wool in the window. And it called to me.

Maybe it's all part of being a grandmother. Here's the little sweetheart I'm knitting for -



And here's the pattern. A little bolero in a pale sagey green (babies wear such sophisticated colours these days!).



The back is done and one side.

Readers, I rhink I might be hooked.

OOPS...

Almost forgot. I'm giving a writing workshop on Monday 9th August, 11 am at Carmarthen Library. In case you're thinking of entering the New Voices competition and want to pick my brains.

Mills & Boon New Voices

Is there anyone who hasn't heard about the amazing new writing competition that Mills & Boon announced yesterday that will be going through to the autumn, with the winner announced on 1st November?

There is?

Well, here's the skinny -

Mills & Boon New Voices
A global search for fresh writing talent to join
the Mills & Boon galaxy of romantic fiction stars

How the competition will work…

The competition has its very own website - where the entries will be posted and readers can leave their feedback.

The competition will be divided up into four stages and will run from Monday 6th September.

The winner will be announced on Monday 1st November.


1. Stage 1: The Free for All

• All submitted entries will be read and judged by the Mills & Boon judging panel

2. Stage 2: The Shortlist

• A shortlist of 8-10 authors will be announced, and their first chapters posted on the website.

• All shortlisted entrants will be assigned a Mills & Boon author and editor as a ‘mentor’ as they polish their second chapters and for their remaining time in the competition.

• The public will vote for their favourite!

3. Stage 3: The Shorter-list

• The shortlist will be chopped down to 4 – the next stage to share a ‘pivotal moment’ from their book.

• The public will vote for their favourite!

4. Stage 4: Winner!

• Judged by a panel – names TBC!

• The winner is announced!!

The Romance Is Not Dead web site is now up and running and there loads more information on there, including the dates of workshops being run by M&B authors and editors all over the country.

I'm going to be giving a workshop in connection with this contest in Carmarthen Library - it's in the diary for 9th August, I'm just waiting for the co-ordinator in Carmarthen to get back from her holiday and firm it up. I hope to see a lot of you there. (Although maybe Snookie won't be able to manage to make it all the way from Hawaii!)